Been working on a makeover this last week. Cut all my hair off, and got a bunch of new clothes.
Everyone I know seems really impressed by this. The problem is, I feel even less like myself than I did before.
And I'm not happy.
Maybe less isn't more. Maybe sometimes less is less.
Heard an old Matchbox Twenty song on the intercom. Never been a fan of them, but the song encapsulates how I feel, perfectly.
---Matchbox Twenty - Bent
If I fall along the way...
Pick me up and dust me off.
And if I get too tired to make it.
Be my breath, so I can walk.
And if I need some other lovin'.
Give me more than I can stand.
And when my smile gets old and faded...
Wait around, I'll smile again.
Shouldn't be so complicated.
Just hold me, and then...
Just hold me again!
Can you help me? I'm bent.
I'm so scared that I'll never...
Get put back together.
Keep breakin' me in!
And this is how we will end...
With you and me....bent.
If I couldn't sleep, could you sleep?
Could you paint me better off?
Could you sympathize with my needs?
I know you think I need alot.
I started out clean, but I'm jaded.
Just phoning it in....
Just breaking the skin.
Can you help me? I'm bent.
I'm so scared that I'll never...
Get put back together...
Keep breakin' me in!
And this is how we will end.
With you and me....bent.
Start bendin' me...
It's never enough.
'Til I feel all your pieces...
Start bendin' me...
Keep bendin' me until-I'm-completely-broken-in!
Shouldn't be so complicated.
Just touch me, and then...
Oh, just touch me again!
Can you help me? I'm bent.
I'm so scared that I'll never...
Get put back together.
Keep breakin' me in!
And this is how we will end...
With you and me bendin', without understandin'.
Hell, I'll go there again!
Can you help me? I'm bent.
I'm so scared that I'll never...
Get put back together.
Yeah, you're breakin' me in.
And this is how we will end...
With you and me....
...bent.
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a lot of times when i cut my hair i go through an "oh shit, why did i do that, now i don't look like me anymore" phase for a little bit, before i get used to it and take comfort in the fact that even if it's not my favorite it'll grow back eventually.
ReplyDeletesometimes a change like that can be refreshing, making you realize that no matter how you present yourself you're still you.
It's not that I'm going "oh, shit I don't look like me!" phase. I'm simply not happy. Cutting off all my hair, and getting a new wardrobe is irrelevant to that.
ReplyDeleteIt's how everyone is perceiving me in a certain way, and imposing their perceptions onto me. And somehow...I lose myself in that.
Blergh...