Dazed and Confused

I'm tired and I can't sleep. It could have something to do with the fact that I'm pissed right off.

I've learned a harsh lesson. I've been courting a few women online, off the Plenty of Fish website (and again, I'm not linking it).

Yes, I caved. Yes, I feel kind of ashamed about it. I'm lonely, sue me.

The lesson is based on a certain realization I had concerning the "rules of engagement" while attempting to connect online. The new rule was to "move fast, strike hard, close the deal". That is to say chat quick, be concise, go out. Why? Because whenever you chat online (or phone, or even in person) for a prolongued period of time with a woman, the more protracted the courting is, the greater the chance that things will go wrong. Either you, or she, will say something or do something wrong. Emotions become involved, attachments formed, and then when something finally does go wrong, people get hurt. Like myself, for instance. I've broken the rule on a few occasions recently. And here are the results.

Both this Wednesday, and Saturday, I had a tentative plan (mutually-agreed) to go out with a particular woman. Said woman hasn't contacted me since Tuesday. Never followed up on said plans, and has been unresponsive to the single e-mail I sent her. Maybe there's been a personal emergency, maybe not. But how hard is it to shoot someone an e-mail? I should also mention, she has my phone number, too. So I'm left frustrated and hurt, and with no sense of closure. I have no idea what the Hell happened.

Woman #2, a great woman to chat with. I've been chatting with her slightly longer than the other. All told, about 2 weeks or so. But when I prodded about meeting, and going out, nothing came of it. She, too has been incommunicado for the last 3-4 days. For someone who genuinely seemed to like me, the avoidance is irritating. I know people get busy, but like Woman #1, I ask a similar question: "how hard is it to fire off an e-mail?". Sheesh. She knows I'm interested in her, she knows I want to meet her. I feel kind of stuck in this limbo, where I just don't know where I stand with her. She has the power and the clarity or my position, while I've got Jack Shit concerning hers. I just realized how wishy-washy that stance is. I would've been better off not having spoken to her in the first place.

Because of emotional investment nursed along by women who extended the courting process, I'm left angry, frustrated and hurt. I can accept some of the blame, as I foolishly let myself develop an attachment. Actually, it's not "attachment", it's "expectation". I expected them to value me the same way I valued them. And that scenario never turns out well for me. Ever.

If things went quickly, we chatted, made arrangements to meet, and got it over with (for good or bad), I would least have my peace of mind.

Unlike now.

*sigh*