A funny thing happened on the way to the party...

Women sure are funny creatures.

Andromeda broke up with me last night.

Oddly enough, not because of anything I do, or don't do...but because her friends don't like me. It's not a big deal, as I don't like her friends. But I've made it a point to be pleasant to be around. I'm not rude, or judgmental. But I'm not there to impress them, I'm there to impress her. That's how I roll.

She claimed, later on in an apologetic e-mail the morning after (this morning), that she was afraid of rejection. That she was frightened of how powerful her feelings were for me. And that self-doubt, combined with her friends' judgments on how she could "do better" than me, made her decide to shank me from behind, like a ninja.

I've done everything one could possibly do. I treated the girl like platinum-encrusted diamonds. But apparently that's not enough.

But here's the kicker. She didn't show any sign of there being a problem. I'm pretty keen on noticing when things are out of place. On top of that, she chose to break up with me by coming over, dressed to the 9's, on the night we were supposed to go out (I was in the process of getting ready)...then went out.

Without me.

Seems like a weird thing to do. But I guess she felt it needed the personal touch.

Now I'm pretty even-tempered, I don't rage, or cry, when things don't go my way. I'm angry, and hurt, but not so much that I've taken leave of my senses. Something does seem odd about this, though.

Something about the timing of it bothers me. It's like her friends told her to drop me like a hot potato, then probably suggested that if she went out with them, they'd party their faces off, and she'd then have all sorts of hot bodies to chase after her at the bar.

At least that's how it plays out in my head.

In any case, she apologized, and asked for a 2nd chance. I've been mulling it over, and to be honest, I don't see how she has any way of coming back from this. If she's so wishy-washy that she's taking her friends' opinions over her own...

Meh.

Time warp(ed)

Wow, I haven't posted since August. Funny thing is, it doesn't seem like such a long time. As usual, I've been busy. Work, dating, work, dating. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I have met someone whom I will call "Andromeda". I've been seeing her regularly for the last 2 months. So far, haven't seen any signs of her being crazy/psychotic (usually it takes a few weeks for those good at hiding it to start to show signs). She also has a very diverse array of skills: being a trained chef, seamstress, and interior decorator, just to name a few. It does make me contemplate my own skills, of which I have none. And I'm not going to count my uncanny ability to not sleep. I enjoy my time with her, and the feeling seems mutual, as I've met her family and pets. At least half of my week is spent with her in some way.

Beyond that, I've been nursing my MMO addiction (Age of Conan), as well as my Rock Band addiction, which has flared up (not unlike hemorrhoids, but much more enjoyable) with the advent of Rock Band 3.

So yeah...for all 1 of you who read this blog, I'm putting up this post to establish that I'm not dead...yet.

20-something...

Been healing from my eye surgery, still getting used to the new field of vision and hi-def quality to my vision, which is now better than 20/20.

Unless, it's first thing in the morning.

I've noticed that first thing in the morning, my eyes rebel, and my vision is a little off. I was given a cornucopia of drops to put in my eyes (which I do, as I was instructed). Apparently, it's due to not enough moisture in my eyes, a temporary side-effect of the procedures done.

I've also noticed that I might very well need reading glasses. While I can count the nose-hairs on a person at 50 yards, I have a hard time clearly seeing things a few inches from my nose. But I'm still healing, so when I go back for my follow-up, I'll ask about it if it's still a problem.

I'm still occasionally dating, with the usual run of luck. I've noticed alot of women like to cancel dates at the last minute. I'd get mad, but to be honest, I'm pretty desensitized to it by now. I look at it as being their loss, not mine.

But it doesn't mean I don't momentarily contemplate fucking them repeatedly with a broken bottle.

I did go on a semi-weird date to the local Garneau theater. It's the type of theater that shows "artistic films". I suffered through a subtitled, foreign film called "I Am Love", with actress Tilda Swinton.

The film was shot well, had good performances, and a lovely orchestral soundtrack in spots. But ultimately, I found the film to be a kind of pointless watch. I found it hard to believe any self-respecting woman (and mother) would stoop to having an affair with their son's best friend. That, and the heavy-handed sex scenes which practically beat you over the head with sexual-imagery metaphors intercut between shots of asses and tits. If anything, I was more entertained by the obvious lesbian couple in the audience, who started the movie sitting side-by-side in the front row, only to inch further, and further apart as the film progressed. By the end, they were several seats apart.

I wonder if one of them made a faux-pas comment during the film...

There are some major forest fires smoldering in the neighboring province of British Columbia. The smoke from said fires has been blowing over here, giving Edmonton a smog so thick, that yesterday, I couldn't see anything out my apartment windows. Even today, there's a heavy haze, and the air has a mesquite BBQ-like tinge.

With all this smoke hanging in the air, I wonder how all the smokers in this town have been handling it. Do they still slink out on smoke breaks to light up? Or do they step outside and just huff the air?

"I can see clearly now..."

Unfortunately, the rain is not gone, it's pouring torrentially at the moment. But rain aside, things are alright.

Got my eye surgery done with yesterday, so my vision is corrected. I should hope so, considering the buhjillion dollars it cost me. So I'm somewhat poorer than I used to be. I think I'll call it "sudden onset poverty".

Lots of drops for my eyes, too. LOTS AND LOTS of drops. And halos around light sources are kind of painful, but will go away over the next few weeks. Also having to deal with a bit of distortion of perception as my eyes heal up.

Probably going to find me a fancy pair of designer sunglasses this afternoon. My last spending of money for the foreseeable future.

Otherwise, nothing new to report.

Blurry...

"Too much stress makes Homer go somethin'-somethin'."

"Go crazy?"

"Don't mind if I DO!!"

Erm. Yeah...

Everything is stress. I feel like a huge, raw, exposed nerve.

Just slept for the last 12 hours. I think the only time I don't hurt is when I'm unconscious. I've been thinking about that alot, lately. Or perhaps I should say "constantly". I don't want to be awake any more.

I had to forcibly hold myself together by sheer force of will to not break down while I was at work, yesterday. I might just be coming apart.

Had 1 date cancel on me. Another cancel, last-minute, and go the extra mile by saying "you're a good person, I just can't see myself with you". Bitch didn't even try. Bleh.

On the upside, I recently spent an evening with a woman who works at a health food store I frequent. I suppose I'll refer to her as "T". A pleasant, attractive woman, with a rich voice, beautiful smile, and she makes me feel kind of squishy inside. I guess that last part isn't too hard to accomplish. I probably reek of desperation.

Anyhoo. I bumped into her the other day, and we got to chatting. Chatting which lasted for about 3 hours, until she closed up shop. It didn't seem like that long.

She had had surgery, recently, and was having some problems making ends meet...at least until the end of the month. She hadn't even been able to eat that day. I bought her some supper, and lent her a few bucks. Pretty sure she wasn't fishing for sympathy, which is why I did it. I also did it because it feels good to make someone else's day better. And I got a hug for it. She smelled nice.

*sigh*

I've contemplated asking her out a few times. Not sure it's a good idea. I know she's single, and I know we get along, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Things are so blurry for me right now, I don't think it would be responsible to inadvertantly bring that upon someone else. Not even for my own happiness.

Now on to a different kind of "blurry", I also booked an appointment for a Lasik consultation for next week. I've gotten tired of dropping $450 every few years on glasses. Might as well see what's what about laser eye surgery. Also gotten tired of how easily-broken glasses seem to be. The glasses I'm wearing right now are barely 2 years old, and held together with Crazy Glue. I've been too stubborn to replace them. It seems like a better long-term solution to just get my eyes zapped. Even if I may have to resort to glasses later in life, I won't have to drop nearly as much as I do now for a unique prescription.

*waits for next Thursday*

Sunny...

I've been up all night. Not really sure why or how, as I'm tired beyond all reason. And I'm not being melodramatic when I say that. I feel as if I've had to contain a nuclear detonation inside me.

I feel....spent.

The sun starts rising here at around 4:30-5 AM, and I felt the need to watch it.

It's funny that I can't really remember the last time I've watched the sun rise. The horizon turns brown, then becomes gold, a sort-of-green, then to blue.

I can't help but feel that there was something important in the proceedings. That I needed to witness this.

I wonder why.

Savin' me...

Been listening to alot of music lately. Going back and listening to things I hadn't listened to in awhile. Seems like the older stuff is better than any new stuff kicking around now.

Also been ruminating about what to do with myself. As usual, I still really don't know. But I think it's time I try focusing on something, as opposed to running in place. Doing that hasn't done much for me these last few years.

Alot of the time I just wish someone could pull me aside and flat out tell me what to do with myself. And not in the go-fuck-yourself kind of way. I suppose I'm just the kind of person that needs some kind of validation.

I guess that makes the following song a bit more relevant than usual.


---Nickelback - Savin' Me

Prison gates won't open up for me.
On these hands and knees, I'm crawlin'.
Oh, I reach for you...

Well, I'm terrified of these four walls.
These iron bars can't hold my soul in.
All I need is you. (Come please, I'm callin').
And, oh, I scream for you. (Hurry...I'm fallin', I'm fallin')

Show me what it's like. (To be the last one standin')
And teach me wrong from right. (And I'll show you what I can be)
Say it for me, say it to me.
And I'll leave this life behind me.
Say it, if it's worth savin' me.

Heaven's gates won't open up for me.
With these broken wings, I'm fallin'.
And all I see is you...

These city walls ain't got no love for me.
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story.
And, oh, I scream for you. (Come please, I'm callin')
And all I need from you... (Hurry...I'm fallin', I'm fallin')

Show me what it's like. (To be the last one standin')
And teach me wrong from right. (And I'll show you what I can be)
Say it for me, say it to me.
And I'll leave this life behind me.
Say it, if it's worth savin' me.

(Hurry I'm fallin')

Ahhhh-yeah!

And all I need is you. (Come please, I'm callin')
And, oh, I scream for you. (Hurry...I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin')

Show me what it's like. (To be the last one standin')
And teach me wrong from right. (And I'll show you what I can be)
Say it for me, say it to me.
And I'll leave this life behind me.
Say it, if it's worth savin' me. (Hurry...I'm fallin')
And say it for me, say it to me.
And I'll leave this life behind me.
Say it, if it's worth savin' me...