Waxing...off?

Hello again blog.

As usual, not much excitement happening. I've finally gotten my riches from Blue Cross, and the situation with the girl I was seeing indeed went south.

She didn't even bother to return an e-mail I sent her (which wasn't antagonistic, it was actually a reply to prior e-mail sent to me). Maybe she saw the blog-ish entries on my dating profile - ones where I implied the wasting of my time, and being led on (2 things I hate). Maybe not. I simply think she was too much of a coward to simply tell me she wasn't interested, and liked my attention (it probably boosted her self-esteem). In any case, I'm not surprised. It's kind of par for the course.

I used to think that all the "good ones" were taken. Now, I'm thinking that there were never any "good ones" to begin with.

Which brings me to my next...erm..."issue".

I've been wrestling with some feelings I'd rather not be. I've reached the point where I'm starting to feel absolutely bitter. Consistently so. Normally, I go through little periods of it, and eventually it passes. Now, I'm feeling it all the time. It's the kind of bitterness that makes me want to kick people's teeth in whenever I see them smiling, or happy. It's like the twist of an invisible knife in my heart when I see people holding hands, or walking their babies by in strollers. I'd murder the world to feel that amorphous, yet integral, thing. But I'm apparently not allowed to. I don't know why.

It's been very hard to keep the happy face on in front of anyone I know. But I'm known for being the smiling, silly goofball. So I guess this is all just "tears of a clown", or something. Me playing my role helps others get through their day. Or not. I don't even know anymore.

I've been hearing these 2 songs over the intercom at work. They've been poking at me for the last few weeks, and this afternoon, I finally sat down and figured out who did them.

It's nice to hear some actual "good music" (which is subjective, I suppose) out there for a change. Very sick of everything seeming to be Katy Perry, or Lady Gaga (both, whom I despise with the burning passion of a 1000 suns). Justin Hines is exceptional. Inspirational, even. In any case, I find both songs very moving.

Take a look.

The Band Perry - If I Die Young

Justin Hines - Tell Me I'm Wrong