So, it's Christmas again. It's been tough this last year. Nothing is really resolved, nothing majorly interesting is happening, or happened. I've just been trying to ignore the impending depression that always sets in during these times.
Work has been playing Christmas tunes over the intercom since November 12th, and people around me are all happy and cheerful concerning Christmas. They tell me of their family get-togethers, presents they got for children or grandchildren. And I kind of want to beat them for it. Well, not really. On a good day, I enjoy hearing about this stuff. I guess I'm just jealous. I want to feel that..."thing" that they feel. I have no one keeping me warm at night, no family gatherings to go to, no tree, no presents. Some of that is deliberate, some not. I just want to pretend that it's simply another day, in a long (or short) line of more days unravelling to the future.
I've been trying to focus on what I DO have. I have peace and quiet, some music I like, food in my fridge, and a roof over my head. I also gots me internet, otherwise I'd be doing this as smoke signals or something. Heh.
I just wish I had something important to do, or look forward to. I feel lost. I work, come home, eat, sleep, poop. Lather, rinse, repeat. I kill time by watching movies, and occasionally playing games and surfing the 'net. I try to connect to the world, but it just feels like a weird, alien place. I feel almost like I'm waiting for something. I've got to stop that. Sitting here on my ass is getting tedious, and nets me nothing.
When this new year starts, I think I'm going to be quitting this shit. This isn't living. I'll be moving soon, and from there, maybe I can make a new start.
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