What's going on(?)

I'm pretty pleased with the slick name of this particular entry. And though I can't say I know exactly what a double-entendre is, it's got to be darned close.

Where to begin? I guess I should mention what jump-started this blog. Recently, I had some kind of attack. Not a literal attack (like, by ninjas, or pirates, etc.), but an attack very similar to the 3AM, no ninjas, possible date entry, I posted earlier. I literally "woke up" in the sense that it felt like I was just born (or perhaps re-born).

Over the last few weeks I've been exploring the feeling, which has in no way diminished. To explain it simply, it feels kind of like someone changed the prescription of my glasses, only it affects everything. Not just my vision, but my perceptions. The world feels different, every aspect of it. Things seem both familiar, yet new (and sometimes strange). You have to understand that everything leading up to this point had no substance. My old self was ambivalent and apathetic. And to be him was torture, as he felt nothing. As him, I could actually feel the lack of functionality. Like a partially burned-out circuit. The juice just wasn't flowing. I'd liken it to being alone in a huge movie theater, sitting in the back row, watching the movie of your life play out on-screen and not be able to affect it. Now, I feel awake and aware. All the gears are turning. The things that vexed, or frustrated me, seem to have so much less weight. I feel things, and about everything. Long story short, I feel GREAT. But I also feel wrong. Yes, wrong.

Perhaps "wrong" isn't the right word. But for all the greatness of my recent experiences, I feel weird. A not-myself kind of weird. Which raises some issues. Issues that I'm now in the process of seeking psychiatric help with. Oddly enough, I sort of feel like I'm wearing someone else. That in some ways I am me, more me than I've ever been. But also very not me.

Yeah, this attempt at explanation isn't going too well. I think I might need a part 2, 3, or (God forbid) a Part 4.