Yesterday, I only got about 1 hour of sleep before work. Biked to, and from, work...then collapsed into bed when I got home.
I slept for about 4 hours and had a very peculiar dream. The kind of dream that is so vivid and real, that when you wake up, you don't recognize where you are. I'll even go 1 better, I didn't immediately recognize who I was, either. I stretched out as I awoke, and felt crammed into a different container, then had a brief spaz. Funny thing is, this isn't the first time I've had dreams like this. I've had them frequently enough, that I sometimes wonder which side is the "reality" (note the quotation marks).
I don't remember the exact details of the dream, I just remember that I wasn't my waking self. I was someone else, somewhere else, doing something else. And it felt more real to me than things feel now.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Blergh...
I sometimes get into these prolongued moods where I just don't want to talk or deal with anyone. I've never been a really social person, but neither am I the type who has it in their heart to end everyone I lay eyes on, either. But in the last 2 months I've become fairly disillusioned. It's like the phases of the moon, really. Something comes along to make me feel good, then other things come along to bring me down. That's life, I suppose.
Disillusionment checklist:
#1 - My roomies suddenly stopped speaking with me. Normally this isn't a big deal, but when they flat-out start avoiding me, or deliberatley ignoring me, I start to take it personal. After about 2 weeks of this, it was finally brought to my attention that they feel taken advantage of. Long-story-short, they take credit for a majority of the changes I've gone through in the time I've known them. And feel that they've put too much time into me, and need to put that effort in elsewhere. It's true, they have, but the problem is the time that's been put into me was unsolicited. Meaning that I didn't overtly go "hey, do this for me". And they expect me to do backflips, or prostrate myself before them. Since the big discussion about this, things have gone right back to me being ignored, with them literally pretending I don't exist. It's pissing me right off. I'm actually tempted to move, when they go on vacation in the next few days. This silent treatment is so ridiculously immature.
#2 - OKCupid is just as disappointing as Plentyoffish. I still patrol for matches that don't actually "match". And the people who I get along with, just slowly disappear. Making me have to chase them for attention. I don't like that. I don't expect to be chased all the time, but a little counter-chasing is good. It at least proves that you're interested. But as it stands, nothing ever seems to go anywhere. The only person I've met that treats me with an unusual amount of respect and consideration, is a girl moving back here from Japan, whom I haven't even met yet.
#3 - My lightsaber appears to be broken. No idea how or why, as I don't handle it all that much. But I went to turn it on a few weeks back, and there was intense feedback coming through the speaker. It'll cost me $56 to replace the speaker, the LED (which was boring me, being silvery-white), and for the labor. It's not horribly expensive, $35 is for the labor alone. I find it kind of dubious that I couldn't get the 'sabersmith to look at my 'saber until right now, conveniently past the warranty time of 90 days.
Disillusionment checklist:
#1 - My roomies suddenly stopped speaking with me. Normally this isn't a big deal, but when they flat-out start avoiding me, or deliberatley ignoring me, I start to take it personal. After about 2 weeks of this, it was finally brought to my attention that they feel taken advantage of. Long-story-short, they take credit for a majority of the changes I've gone through in the time I've known them. And feel that they've put too much time into me, and need to put that effort in elsewhere. It's true, they have, but the problem is the time that's been put into me was unsolicited. Meaning that I didn't overtly go "hey, do this for me". And they expect me to do backflips, or prostrate myself before them. Since the big discussion about this, things have gone right back to me being ignored, with them literally pretending I don't exist. It's pissing me right off. I'm actually tempted to move, when they go on vacation in the next few days. This silent treatment is so ridiculously immature.
#2 - OKCupid is just as disappointing as Plentyoffish. I still patrol for matches that don't actually "match". And the people who I get along with, just slowly disappear. Making me have to chase them for attention. I don't like that. I don't expect to be chased all the time, but a little counter-chasing is good. It at least proves that you're interested. But as it stands, nothing ever seems to go anywhere. The only person I've met that treats me with an unusual amount of respect and consideration, is a girl moving back here from Japan, whom I haven't even met yet.
#3 - My lightsaber appears to be broken. No idea how or why, as I don't handle it all that much. But I went to turn it on a few weeks back, and there was intense feedback coming through the speaker. It'll cost me $56 to replace the speaker, the LED (which was boring me, being silvery-white), and for the labor. It's not horribly expensive, $35 is for the labor alone. I find it kind of dubious that I couldn't get the 'sabersmith to look at my 'saber until right now, conveniently past the warranty time of 90 days.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Quoting Reznor...
I came across an old quote from Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails, circa 1994.
"I don't know why I want to do these things, other than my desire to escape from Small Town, U.S.A., to dismiss the boundaries, to explore. It isn't a bad place where I grew up, but there was nothing going on but the cornfields. My life experience came from watching movies, watching TV and reading books and looking at magazines. And when your fucking culture comes from watching TV every day, you're bombarded with images of things that seem cool, places that seem interesting, people who have jobs and careers and opportunities. None of that happened where I was. You're almost taught to realize it's not for you."
I can really connect with this statement. I grew up the exact same way, isolated, with my experiences drawn from books, television, music, and movies. It makes me wonder what aspects of my life are really mine, and what's just cloned/borrowed from others.
"I don't know why I want to do these things, other than my desire to escape from Small Town, U.S.A., to dismiss the boundaries, to explore. It isn't a bad place where I grew up, but there was nothing going on but the cornfields. My life experience came from watching movies, watching TV and reading books and looking at magazines. And when your fucking culture comes from watching TV every day, you're bombarded with images of things that seem cool, places that seem interesting, people who have jobs and careers and opportunities. None of that happened where I was. You're almost taught to realize it's not for you."
I can really connect with this statement. I grew up the exact same way, isolated, with my experiences drawn from books, television, music, and movies. It makes me wonder what aspects of my life are really mine, and what's just cloned/borrowed from others.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Dragonfly...
Not moody anymore. I'm feeling kind of peculiar, though. I'v been going through my music and re-listening to older stuff. Found this little gem from a few years ago. For some reason it appeals to my sense of whimsy.
\:)
Universal Hall Pass - Dragonfly
Jump in, it's only fire.
The pilot's set to broil, my nimble cook.
It's useless, flying kites...
It only works if the wind is right.
And I've got a question for my dragonfly:
How to navigate through a perilous tide,
Without a safe or sound device...
Save only I?
Save, save only I?
So sayeth the law of shadow.
No night is so long to stop day from following.
So long as I reach the air and finally feel my colours change.
Jump in, the wisdom's with the pearls.
The little shiny eyes the oysters took.
Deception, dragonfly.
The underage plan to drink the night.
It's not some wonderful feeling like something just in the way.
Call up the 30 winds 'til your Persian rug flies.
Without a sage for sound advice...
Who's there?
Save only I?
Save, save only I?
So sayeth the law of shadow.
No night is so long to stop day from following.
So long as I reach the air and finally feel my colours change.
Oh, I'm willing...my dragonfly.
No need to slice the dark, it's just as good...I've found.
So jump in while the flame is bright.
And if you jump when the wind is right.
Think of this not as fire, but lights of coming dawn...
Coming dawn...
Coming dawn...
Fall up into the wind, if she offers a ride.
With no one else to turn the tide...
Save only I?
Save, save only I?
So sayeth the law of shadow.
No night is so long to stop day from following.
So long as I reach the air and finally feel my colours change.
So sayeth the law of shadow.
No night is so long to stop day from following.
So long as I reach the air and finally feel my colours change.
\:)
Universal Hall Pass - Dragonfly
Jump in, it's only fire.
The pilot's set to broil, my nimble cook.
It's useless, flying kites...
It only works if the wind is right.
And I've got a question for my dragonfly:
How to navigate through a perilous tide,
Without a safe or sound device...
Save only I?
Save, save only I?
So sayeth the law of shadow.
No night is so long to stop day from following.
So long as I reach the air and finally feel my colours change.
Jump in, the wisdom's with the pearls.
The little shiny eyes the oysters took.
Deception, dragonfly.
The underage plan to drink the night.
It's not some wonderful feeling like something just in the way.
Call up the 30 winds 'til your Persian rug flies.
Without a sage for sound advice...
Who's there?
Save only I?
Save, save only I?
So sayeth the law of shadow.
No night is so long to stop day from following.
So long as I reach the air and finally feel my colours change.
Oh, I'm willing...my dragonfly.
No need to slice the dark, it's just as good...I've found.
So jump in while the flame is bright.
And if you jump when the wind is right.
Think of this not as fire, but lights of coming dawn...
Coming dawn...
Coming dawn...
Fall up into the wind, if she offers a ride.
With no one else to turn the tide...
Save only I?
Save, save only I?
So sayeth the law of shadow.
No night is so long to stop day from following.
So long as I reach the air and finally feel my colours change.
So sayeth the law of shadow.
No night is so long to stop day from following.
So long as I reach the air and finally feel my colours change.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Crash and burn...
I'm feeling moody, and for some reason this particular song resonates with me right now.
Sheryl Crow - Crash and Burn
I watched the sun come up on Portland
I waved goodbye to all my friends
I packed my car and headed to L.A.
I gave away all my loose ends
Somebody said you gotta get away
To wanna go back home again
I left my universe, standin' there
Holdin' the hand of my best friend
And it's laughter that I feel when I think of you
It's one more dusty rose about to turn
I'll see you when I reach New Mexico
If I'm in the mood to crash and burn
I wrote a letter that I never mailed
I rehearsed a dialogue in my head
In case you ever wanted to track me down
I'll take my cell phone to bed
And it's laughter that I hear when I close my eyes
And it's one more punchline I forgot to learn
I call you up when my bottle's dry
I'm on my way to crash and burn
Antigone laid across the road
And let a mack truck leave her there for dead
Just because her lover split the scene
Love might be great, but why lose your head?
Well, it's laughter that comes up when I cry for you
And my heart may break again, before it learns
And I might be stupid enough to want to fall again
'Cause I've gotten used to the crash and burn
I say, I've gotten used to the crash and burn
Crash and burn
Crash
Crash
Crash
Crash and burn
Sheryl Crow - Crash and Burn
I watched the sun come up on Portland
I waved goodbye to all my friends
I packed my car and headed to L.A.
I gave away all my loose ends
Somebody said you gotta get away
To wanna go back home again
I left my universe, standin' there
Holdin' the hand of my best friend
And it's laughter that I feel when I think of you
It's one more dusty rose about to turn
I'll see you when I reach New Mexico
If I'm in the mood to crash and burn
I wrote a letter that I never mailed
I rehearsed a dialogue in my head
In case you ever wanted to track me down
I'll take my cell phone to bed
And it's laughter that I hear when I close my eyes
And it's one more punchline I forgot to learn
I call you up when my bottle's dry
I'm on my way to crash and burn
Antigone laid across the road
And let a mack truck leave her there for dead
Just because her lover split the scene
Love might be great, but why lose your head?
Well, it's laughter that comes up when I cry for you
And my heart may break again, before it learns
And I might be stupid enough to want to fall again
'Cause I've gotten used to the crash and burn
I say, I've gotten used to the crash and burn
Crash and burn
Crash
Crash
Crash
Crash and burn
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Not-so-OK, Cupid...
I've recently joined another dating site, OKcupid.com. Someone recommended it to me, so I thought I'd take the plunge. Plenty of Fish is just too...uneventful.
I've researched paid sites, such as eharmony, and found a number of rather disturbing things in the online dating scene. Things like "ghost profiles" (fake profiles, or defunct profiles being used to give the sense that people are viewing your profile), dubious match-making (supposedly you're a match, yet you find that there's absolutely nothing in common), or shoving a ton of "matches" at you right after you unsubscribe (to lure you back). I'm fairly certain POF is using a few of the tactics I've heard about, but that's neither here nor there.
I really like the layout of OKCupid. I also like the options, and the user-generated questions and content. Apparently alot of POFers do too. I've seen about a dozen people I've recognized from POF, there. Semi-ironically, a number of them were matched to me on POF, but according to OKCupid, weren't good matches. Then again, the matching is done moreso by an ever-changing database that cross-references itself, based on how many questions you answered, how the questions were answered, and then comparing the answers to the database population.
So far, I've had about the same success as I had on POF. I send out a buhjillion messages and get about 1-2 responses that really don't go anywhere. I chatted with 1 woman, who seemed really enthusiastic, only to have her stop speaking to me. I could actually see that she was still online, and waited for an hour to see if she'd respond. It's been days, I've seen her online, and she still hasn't bothered to respond, even though we were in mid-conversation at the time.
Bleh.
Same 'ole, same 'ole.
I've researched paid sites, such as eharmony, and found a number of rather disturbing things in the online dating scene. Things like "ghost profiles" (fake profiles, or defunct profiles being used to give the sense that people are viewing your profile), dubious match-making (supposedly you're a match, yet you find that there's absolutely nothing in common), or shoving a ton of "matches" at you right after you unsubscribe (to lure you back). I'm fairly certain POF is using a few of the tactics I've heard about, but that's neither here nor there.
I really like the layout of OKCupid. I also like the options, and the user-generated questions and content. Apparently alot of POFers do too. I've seen about a dozen people I've recognized from POF, there. Semi-ironically, a number of them were matched to me on POF, but according to OKCupid, weren't good matches. Then again, the matching is done moreso by an ever-changing database that cross-references itself, based on how many questions you answered, how the questions were answered, and then comparing the answers to the database population.
So far, I've had about the same success as I had on POF. I send out a buhjillion messages and get about 1-2 responses that really don't go anywhere. I chatted with 1 woman, who seemed really enthusiastic, only to have her stop speaking to me. I could actually see that she was still online, and waited for an hour to see if she'd respond. It's been days, I've seen her online, and she still hasn't bothered to respond, even though we were in mid-conversation at the time.
Bleh.
Same 'ole, same 'ole.
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